Happy Mothers' Day?

Hopefully the fact that it's Mothers' Day doesn't surprise anyone. So this one goes out to Mom. I know you don't read this. I know you really don't use the Internet. I know this is because your computer isn't exactly working right now - your computer that you hate to use. And I know this is because I haven't fixed it yet. BUT, I do love you and wish you a very happy Mother's Day. Thank you for all the love and support over the years. I know nothing about your life has been easy, especially raising two kids. You made a lot of sacrifices for us that I'm grateful for, even if I don't always show it. I really do admire and respect you.

After lunch today, my mom and I stopped by her mom's to visit. I hadn't been to see her since she took a turn in her health. She's not able to live in the same place as before because they're not equipped to deal with her declining health. So she had to be moved to a much more depressing care facility. It saddened me just walking into the room and seeing her on the bed with various tubes plugged in her. When she saw me she got just about the saddest face I've ever seen. See, my grandmother is a very strong, proud woman. She's accomplished a lot in the last 88 years. Besides weathering all the twists and turns of history (war, depression, etc.) she raised 6 kids and has outlived her husband by over 10 years now. She's beaten cancer and other diseases on multiple occasions. There have been several times I've thought she was on her last leg, but every time she comes out swinging. The woman is crazy resilient.

And she's proud of it, which can make things difficult. She went to college at a time when women didn't really do that sort of thing - and earned her master's in psychology, nonetheless. I remember as a kid and during the couple years we lived with her, "fun" was me playing the word games in Reader's Digest with her. Or playing Scrabble. And, yes, we'd need a dictionary handy. Later on we'd watch Jeopardy and yell out the answers. She always had copies of Newsweek and Popular Science lying around. And if she ever heard you say that you didn't know what something was, she'd order you to consult her unabridged collegiate dictionary and report back. I learned to love that 6" thick monstrosity which now lives on one of my shelves. She was the type of person always learning, never content.

But all this learning and experience made her a difficult person sometimes. She was always right (which must be where I get it from). There was no other way than her's. This really became problematic as her health required that people start doing things for her - things which could never be done "right." There would be a lot of arguments - the kind no one wins. I know the Bible says that before God everyone will be silenced. I used to joke that if there would be anyone in the world who would still try to argue with the Almighty, she would be the only one brazen enough to do it.

But going back to when we saw each other, her face fell. I think it was because she was thinking over the exact same things I was. All these memories of her being strong and proud. And now she's on a bed with machines to help her live. A man comes in every couple hours to check her vitals and diaper. It was one thing to have her kids in there visiting with her. But I think that my seeing her was humiliation she would have rather done without. Don't worry, Grandma, I won't remember you like this.