A Few of My Favorite Things

The other day as I was walking through Lloyd Center on the east side, heading to the food court to try and justify my use of their parking lot, I saw one of my favorite ads in the window. A couple months ago, Lenscrafters, the glasses place, started airing these ads which promised a "30 day unconditional happiness guarantee." Nowhere in the ad were glasses mentioned. No conditions were stipulated. If you weren't paying attention, you wouldn't even know what the ad was for. All you would know is that if you go to Lenscrafters, you'll be guaranteed happiness for 30 days. Unconditionally. Amazing. They've since changed the ad to include references to glasses, but as I walked past their store, they had a giant banner in the window proclaiming the availability of 30 days of unconditional happiness. I really need to stop in there one of these times. Finally arriving at the food court, I overheard a larger gentleman at the bakery order a salad. "Good for you," I thought to myself. Salad is a good move. Then, much to my amazement, he proceeded to order six cookies. I wish I could describe the manner in which he ordered those cookies in a written medium. The closest I can get is to say that he was in a wild frenzy. I'm not so sure the salad is going to balance those out for you, buddy. Only in America.....