Relativity (or The Curse of Being Goal-Oriented)

Be ye forewarned, this is a long, late-night post. Coherency of thought not guaranteed.

I was thinking about relativity today. And don't worry, no physics discussion this time. More of how we perceive the passage of time. I was driving back from the beach yesterday with a car full of sleeping passengers, meaning I spent a lot of time looking out the window. And it reminded me of when I was a kid on road trips. I remember long drives to Colorado, particularly during the boring Wyoming stretch, looking at the Rocky Mountains in the distance stirred the boredom - it looked like we were barely moving. But looking at the tall strands of whatever was growing in those fields right next to the road made it look like we were really moving. Same thing yesterday. Looking into the distance at the mountains, we were crawling along. Looking at the trees lining the highway, we were cruising along at 75 mph. This is obviously not a new observation.

At the same time I was pondering where I was going in life. My plans, my dreams, and what was keeping me from getting there. Because I'm incredibly deep and thoughtful (or more likely some neuron misfired), these lines of thought intersected resulting in this analogy. I noticed a similarity between the way the scenery moves by and the way my life is passing. It's all in where you're looking. At the end of the day, I'm usually left feeling like when I'm looking at that first row of trees by the road: we're really moving. Weeks and months can feel like that sometimes too.

But I tend to be a big picture person, so I spend a lot of my time looking back at those mountain ranges. And sometimes I get frustrated because it doesn't seem like things are moving anywhere. I look down at my speedometer and am clearly going fast, but when I look at what things I'd like to have done/passed, I get a different story. I know the solution is to not spend so much time gazing out the windows and judging life that way. Instead I should be focusing on the stretch of road right in front of me and let the speedometer be the only true indication of the rate at which things are moving. (you know, a little Proverbs 4:25) I know I need to develop more patience and diligence in my life. Contentment with what I'm doing now and not obsession over where I would like to be.

Sooner or later you hit one of those mountains off in the distance. You're there, and you start your climb up. If you've ever climbed a mountain (or even a big hill), you've had this happen: it always looks more direct than it ends up being. It looks so simple - just straight up. But in reality there's dozens of ups and downs, twists and turns. What looked like a single mountain ended up being a bunch of foothills and a big mountain. But you finally get to the top of the pass and see that little green "summit" sign on the side of the road right before you start the downhill. That mountain is over. From this vantage point, you can clearly see the next mountain. It's as deceitful as the last one, riddled with switchbacks and illusions of an easy climb. But every once in a while you are greeted with an even worse sight. Sometimes you do see the road leading up the next mountain, or at least part of it. You see all the foothills you have to pass, you see the treacherous turns with no guard rails, and you see that as you move deeper into the mountain range, each subsequent mountain is quite a bit larger than the last.

This describes where I am now. That last mountain of getting a degree was a pain. It should have been a lot more straightforward than it was. It should have been done a year ago. But now it is. And from the top of this mountain, I clearly see the next, probably named something like Staff Mountain. I think a lot of people break down or are eaten by bears on their way up its slopes. At this point I only see the foothill named New Staff Training, but I'm sure there are plenty more. And the road named Support Raising looks to be the meanest stretch of road I've ever seen. I long to reach the top of that mountain, but I find myself wondering if I can make it. Actually, I know I can't. And honestly, that scares me a little. I know people travel this road all the time. I know when I reach that next mountain I'll look back on this one and laugh. But that's big picture me talking again. The same me who about this time decides to stop looking at the difficult road ahead and instead look off to the side again. Now it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere.....

I need to be looking somewhere else.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Help, Please

Ok, so here's the deal. New Staff Training is going to end up costing almost $4,000. The vast majority of that will be charged to my account and paid for later once I start raising support (in August). The only part I have to come up with in advance is $500 for my plane ticket. The last time I tried this Internet donation thing (Katrina) it was hugely successful, so I thought I would give it another shot. If you're able, I would really appreciate your help. I'm not using the Crusade online donation thing, or running this money through them, so it's not tax deductible. The reason is that in the Crusade system, I buy the ticket up front and get reimbursed later. But I don't have the $500 in advance, so that's not going to work. Thanks in advance for your prayers and support!

Anyone, Anyone?

Bueller? Ok, so I need a picture of me. I don't have any. I'm always the one behind the camera. But I'm doing a lot of stuff now that's asking for a picture of me. So if anyone has any good ones they'd like to share, pass them along. Or if you know someone who might want to take one. Otherwise, my roommates and I will probably come up with something a little more....humorous....than these forms are intending.

Public Transportation 2

Just a quickie because someone scheduled a meeting very early tomorrow morning. So I rode the MAX again today because it's just so convenient! And so much more air conditioned than my car is currently! I had a seat this time, so I was able to avoid any unwanted bodily contact. What intrigued me on this particular occasion was a guy standing in the "joint" section of the train. He was standing there, rocking out to his boombox. Yeah. In the age of iPods, even a Discman, this guy was all about the old school. Cause what's the point of listening to music if everyone around you can't enjoy it too?

Cliffhangers

My favorite TV show has let me down. Last night the one hour season finale of Scrubs ended with a "to be continued...." NOOOOOO! You should not be allowed to do that! Making people wait 3-4 months for the conclusion is just mean.

Happy Mothers' Day?

Hopefully the fact that it's Mothers' Day doesn't surprise anyone. So this one goes out to Mom. I know you don't read this. I know you really don't use the Internet. I know this is because your computer isn't exactly working right now - your computer that you hate to use. And I know this is because I haven't fixed it yet. BUT, I do love you and wish you a very happy Mother's Day. Thank you for all the love and support over the years. I know nothing about your life has been easy, especially raising two kids. You made a lot of sacrifices for us that I'm grateful for, even if I don't always show it. I really do admire and respect you.

After lunch today, my mom and I stopped by her mom's to visit. I hadn't been to see her since she took a turn in her health. She's not able to live in the same place as before because they're not equipped to deal with her declining health. So she had to be moved to a much more depressing care facility. It saddened me just walking into the room and seeing her on the bed with various tubes plugged in her. When she saw me she got just about the saddest face I've ever seen. See, my grandmother is a very strong, proud woman. She's accomplished a lot in the last 88 years. Besides weathering all the twists and turns of history (war, depression, etc.) she raised 6 kids and has outlived her husband by over 10 years now. She's beaten cancer and other diseases on multiple occasions. There have been several times I've thought she was on her last leg, but every time she comes out swinging. The woman is crazy resilient.

And she's proud of it, which can make things difficult. She went to college at a time when women didn't really do that sort of thing - and earned her master's in psychology, nonetheless. I remember as a kid and during the couple years we lived with her, "fun" was me playing the word games in Reader's Digest with her. Or playing Scrabble. And, yes, we'd need a dictionary handy. Later on we'd watch Jeopardy and yell out the answers. She always had copies of Newsweek and Popular Science lying around. And if she ever heard you say that you didn't know what something was, she'd order you to consult her unabridged collegiate dictionary and report back. I learned to love that 6" thick monstrosity which now lives on one of my shelves. She was the type of person always learning, never content.

But all this learning and experience made her a difficult person sometimes. She was always right (which must be where I get it from). There was no other way than her's. This really became problematic as her health required that people start doing things for her - things which could never be done "right." There would be a lot of arguments - the kind no one wins. I know the Bible says that before God everyone will be silenced. I used to joke that if there would be anyone in the world who would still try to argue with the Almighty, she would be the only one brazen enough to do it.

But going back to when we saw each other, her face fell. I think it was because she was thinking over the exact same things I was. All these memories of her being strong and proud. And now she's on a bed with machines to help her live. A man comes in every couple hours to check her vitals and diaper. It was one thing to have her kids in there visiting with her. But I think that my seeing her was humiliation she would have rather done without. Don't worry, Grandma, I won't remember you like this.

Public Transportation

There's a lot of things I should be doing right now. I should be in bed. I could also be replying to emails, doing more research for work, or even blogging about things that have happened here over the last couple of days. But I'm not going to. No, I'm going to blog about something totally inconsequential. Spending a large portion of my time in the downtown area of Portland, I'm faced with a huge transportation headache. It only takes me 20-30 minutes to get wherever it is I'm going, but parking ranges anywhere from 15 minutes to $8.

To combat the expense and hassle of downtown parking, I've been experimenting with various modes of public transportation. Today I rode the MAX (above ground subway). I've been driving to Portland, but parking a little ways away from where I want to be - somewhere free to park and inside the "Fare-less Square" for public transportation - then riding the MAX in. You get an interesting group when you don't charge anything. It was packed. Not normal for it to be this full on a normal day. All the seats were taken and the aisles were full of people standing. I managed to slide in and lean against a wall near the door. In front of me was a dirty guy with his (I'm assuming) girlfriend. They were engaged in an activity somewhere between making out and foreplay. Not a problem if he wasn't so loud. At every stop, even though the train was clearly full, he'd yell at people on the platform to "squeeze on in!" - much to the dismay of those of us already on the train. I was left with a stocky gentleman standing immediately in front of me (remember, back to a wall). Whenever the train would change in speed, he would slam up against me - not that there was anywhere for either of us to move to. Bam. And because of his size he couldn't exactly return to a self-supporting stance quickly. Whump. As he rested on my chest I wanted so badly to take a breath (after the impact knocked the wind out of me), but was unable to inflate my lungs under the pressure.

Then there was the time I rode the bus. This was my first real experience with the bus here. I've ridden the MAX tons of times, but never needed the bus. There's a stop right by my apartment that goes right where I need to be. So I gave it a shot. Armed with my giant Sennheiser headphones to cancel out noise and serve as a "do not disturb" sign (friends who frequent the bus have warned me to avoiding conversation), I was ready for the hour-long ride downtown. What I wasn't ready for was what happened at the Tigard transit center. As the driver closed the doors to move out, a guy was running towards us. So he waited and opened the doors again. The guy gets on and shows a transfer slip, but the driver informs him that it's expired. This displeases the guy. They start to argue about it. A lot. The driver orders the guy off the bus. The guy doesn't want to leave. More yelling. At this point the 5 men on the bus are on "high alert" not knowing what this guy is going to do next. Then he assaults the driver.

Legal Tangent: He did not hit the driver. He took a step in and pulled his fist
back in such a manner so as to punch the driver. Contrary to popular believe
assault is not the act of physically harming another person. It's the threat of
violence. Battery is the actual commission of a violent act. At least according
to Oregon law.

At this point the 5 of us are on our feet gently reminding him of what's going to happen if he messes with our driver (thus delaying our trip). It doesn't end with him getting a ride on the bus (unless it's a prison bus - oooooh, snap!). Anyway, I think I might just drive for a little while. It's so much more uneventful.

Where is my roommate? I don't want to wait up much longer! Told you I was writing about totally random things.

Can HE Be My Boss?

Ok, I've put this one off for a while. If you haven't already, go listen to Matt Mikalatos' audio post on evil laughs. There aren't really words to describe it. http://mikalatos.blogspot.com/2006/05/evil-laugh-tutorial.html Makes you wonder about the Mikalatos/Culbertson 2012 ticket. Not that I'm thinking of voting for someone else. Never.

Don't Drink the Water

Looks like I'm going to miss three weddings this summer - an improvement from last year's seven. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize in advance to each of the happy couples. If I had the money to fly back from NST, I would.

Jorma Nevler and Megan Rinearson, June 25th
Renjy Abraham and Katy Christensen, July 1st
Brian Bickle and Jolene Carver, July 29th

I love you guys and pray for God's blessing as you start your married life.

I'm Going to Disney World!

Ok, not really. Just Orlando. Well, not really that either. Winter Park, technically. It's a small town right outside Orlando. But north Orlando, so still like an hour from Disney World. But I'm not going there, remember? I mean, if I lived there for three months and didn't go, why would I go when I'm there for 5 weeks? Ahem. Anyway. Why you might ask? New Staff Training, of course!

My staff application was accepted this afternoon.

Thank you to everyone who supported me during this process. I'll get some more details out later.

Colbert Does Oregon

A lot of people know of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." In fact, in the 18-35 age group, more people get their news from this satirical "fake news" show than any of the "real" news shows. Longtime favorite correspondent Steven Colbert left the show several months back to start his own show, The Colbert Report, airing immediately after The Daily Show. While The Daily Show is a parody on the typical evening news show, The Colbert Report is more a parody of the pundit news show. And it's hilarious. Anyway, he has one segment called "Better Know a District" where he goes one by one through the 433 congressional districts in the US, profiles them, and interviews their representative. Two of them aired recently featuring Oregon's 3rd and 5th districts. Here, they are, courtesy YouTube, for your viewing pleasure. Oregon's 3rd Oregon's 5th

Pandora

This post goes out to Alexis. Hello. I don't actually know you. Well, I know what I've read on your and Taylor's blogs. So I guess that makes this something of a formal introduction.

Ummmmm, let's see. I don't have one of those little "About Me" boxes on my blog (oooh, mysterious), but according to yours, you like "Jesus, Mt. Rainier, Seattle, music, movies, books, friends, writing, traveling, my family, Frisbees, Apple computers, funny people, and art." With the exception of Apple computers, those are all wonderful things I would be inclined to post myself. Let's just go with that for now. Also, Taylor has suggested that we share an award for using equations in blog posts. I'm assuming this has to do with my piece on gravitational acceleration and your insights into Time-Dependent Failure and your brilliant interpretation of the Ideal Gas Law (which reminds me of the classic question on the thermal properties of Hell).
Then you left a comment on my blog, pretty much opening the door for a response.

As a gesture of goodwill, I would like to reveal ancient Chinese secret of having an endless variety of music to listen to, wherever you are. It saddened me to hear that someone with such interest in and knowledge of music (I mean, you got the Earthsuit - Mute Math connection!) should have to go without. So, here you go. Ready?

Pandora.

Pandora is the useful part of the Music Genome Project. The MGP set out to decode the fundamental "genes" of music. They analyzed "everything from melody, harmony and rhythm, to instrumentation, orchestration, arrangement, lyrics, and of course the rich world of singing and vocal harmony" of individual songs from over 10,000 artists. Once they created this genetic map of songs and artists, Pandora was developed to make the information useful.
In essence, Pandora is a custom radio station. You put in a song or artist you like, and Pandora creates a custom station based off the genetics of that song/artist. With each song that plays, you tell Pandora if you like it or not. This process zooms in on the parts of the gene that you like, ignoring those you don't. You're left with an endless stream of songs, at CD quality, with no ads of any kind. The catch is that, just like radio, you can't go back or control what specific songs play. The whole site's purpose is introducing you to music you will like based off of what you do like.

The one area it doesn't do so well with is emerging artists. I tried putting in Mute Math today just to see what would come up. Because their album isn't currently available outside of the tour, the only song they had on file was one from a compilation. And it happened to be my least favorite of theirs. So I wasn't very happy with the station. But that's been my only negative experience so far.

Anyways, I hope that helps bring a little more music into your life. If there's anything in particular you're craving, let me know. I'm sure this Internet thing can deliver it to you.
Oh, and I talk a lot. Guess now we've "met."

Katrina Redux

But I digress. It was a beautiful, clear day. The kind that didn't make me mind driving downtown, enjoying the sunroof and CD player. As I came off of 26, through the tunnel and up onto the bridge where I-5 and 405 split (going the 405 way), I was greeted with a spectacular view. Mt. Hood was perfectly clear to my right, downtown over the river to my left, and Mt. St. Helens completely visible in front of me. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but anyone who's tried to do that while driving knows how futile it is. So, instead, I shifted and took the curve down the bridge at 70. I think everyone can agree that is an equally satisfying thing to do with a view. Tonight has been equally as pleasant. It's that perfect summer weather where you just want to stay out and walk around. Not hot and annoying, not cold. But, since I need the exercise, Ultimate was the name of the game - also a good way to spend a mild Oregon evening. All that to say today was a beautiful day and I hope we have many more like it.

Hello, Summer

Today was the kind of day that makes you happy to live in Oregon. Waking up with the sun piercing through my blinds and the sounds of birds lofting on branches outside my window. Actually, that sound is the sound of the obsessive landscaping crew. They're outside my window every other day mowing or cutting or something loud and mechanical at 7am. Honestly, I don't know what they're doing out there. The grass can't possibly grow that fast.
But I digress. It was a beautiful, clear day. The kind that didn't make me mind driving downtown, enjoying the sunroof and CD player. As I came off of 26, through the tunnel and up onto the bridge where I-5 and 405 split (going the 405 way), I was greeted with a spectacular view. Mt. Hood was perfectly clear to my right, downtown over the river to my left, and Mt. St. Helens completely visible in front of me. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but anyone who's tried to do that while driving knows how futile it is. So, instead, I shifted and took the curve down the bridge at 70. I think everyone can agree that is an equally satisfying thing to do with a view. Tonight has been equally as pleasant. It's that perfect summer weather where you just want to stay out and walk around. Not hot and annoying, not cold. But, since I need the exercise, Ultimate was the name of the game - also a good way to spend a mild Oregon evening. All that to say today was a beautiful day and I hope we have many more like it.

Music You Should Be Listening To, Volume 1

Today's featured band hails from New Orleans, LA and calls themselves Mute Math. Their sound is very difficult to describe. I would classify them in the "math rock" sub-genre of rock. And, no, that's not for bands who write songs about math. That would terrify me. Math rock refers to the style of meters used in the songs, almost never the traditional 4/4. Read the linked Wikipedia article. It does a better job than I can at explaining it.

Their music has been described as a blend of rock guitar with dance/techno beats - except not done by a machine. If you ever get a chance to see the drummer in action, do it. Its nuts. The show starts with him duct taping his headphones to his head so they don't come off. He moves around. A lot. Some of the keyboard parts seem jazz-inspired and the vocals showcase a very strong New Orleans style. I know from my description they sound like a mess, but you really have to hear it to understand it.

Whatever you do, don't call them a Christian band (even though they've opened for David Crowder, Mae, and Switchfoot). Warner Brothers/Word Records made that mistake and got sued. Their lyrics have strong spiritual overtones, much in the same way as Switchfoot, Mae, and Jars of Clay. While they originally signed with Warner Brothers, the label was pushing their marketing through their Word Records subsidy, which infuriated the band. They did not want to be marketed that way and shoved into that box creatively, so they sued the label for breach of contract and went off on their own. They're still considered underground, but are rapidly gaining popularity. In fact, due to the aforementioned label dispute, their marketing has been solely word-of-mouth and Internet based. They keep a tight community of followers by blogging their way through each show and posting videos from the road.


Their first "real" album was released in January (the previous one was an EP), and will only be available at their shows until Fall 2006, though I think you can find them online. They've managed to achieve quite a lot without a label...something rare in the music scene. Check out their website at http://www.mutemath.com. It redirects to their MySpace page where there's some sample songs you can listen to. Oh, yeah, the lead singer plays a keytar!

"Chaos"
Complication is my claim to fame
I can’t believe there’s another,
Constantly just another
And I can’t avoid what I can’t control
I’m losing ground, still I can’t stand down
I Know, yeah I know yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down to chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around’s breaking down to chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the let downs I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through.
Air’s still trapped
While I still can’t breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me help somehow
I know, yeah I know yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around’s breaking down to chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around’s breaking down to chaos